Reverie
by Dedeen
Summary: Jim re-lives some past angst. Season 6 fluff included. Jim's POV


I had this idea and decided to put it on paper. The beginning may seem confusing, but the idea unravels quickly thereafter.

Awesome people that I have thank: **FlonkertonChamp**, **EmilyHalper**, and **xoxoxo **. These awesome girls put up with me through it all. You guys are amazing!

Disclaimer: I own zipa-dee-doo-daah!

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I wake up and the sun is too bright against my closed my eyelids. I squeeze them shut to evade the red glare, but it's futile. I shift uncomfortably and I'm suddenly aware of how hot it is. I can actually feel my shirt sticking to my back. I wonder if Pam cranked up the heat last night. I doubt it, though. She's turned our house into an igloo. She says it's because she's cooking our little bun. I always smile and put on a sweater. I can't complain.

I rub the haze out of my eyes and I feel disoriented. Why is it so bright in here?

"Pam…" I whisper. I don't want to scare her awake. "Pam…" I call a little louder, but no answer. I pull my body to a sitting position and..."Oww..." I definitely just hit my head. I reach up to rub the sore spot and my hand comes in contact with a ceiling? My legs jolt and my knees thump against…. something. I open my eyes and gasp.

I'm in my car parked outside the office.

This is not good.

I feel my insides twist. I scramble through the archives of my mind and the last thing I remember was lying on the couch with Pam. We were discussing… What were we discussing? Oh. Nursery themes. Then my mind blanks.

I need to find Pam. She must be worried. I rummage around trying to find my phone, but it is nowhere in sight. I'm a horrible husband.

I step outside just in time to see Toby walk by. He waves and I awkwardly return the gesture. I hurry past him into the office, taking the stairs three steps at a time. My heart is pounding and my hands are clammy. I jog inside and…

"What the—?" Where is my office? I look around and it's gone. I march to its location and… Where the hell did it go? I look around, it's early, and the few that have arrived seem unmoved. Creed eyes me suspiciously, so I approach his desk.

"Creed, where's my office?"

He looks at me and points towards Michael's office. "There, boss."

I shake my head. "No, _my_ office?" I'm starting to get hysterical.

His eyes widen. "It wasn't me."

I dig my fingers to the back of my neck. What the hell is going on?

Suddenly, I hear a purse hit a desk with a clack. I look towards reception and there is Pam. She has her back to me. Her hair is pulled back. I walk briskly towards her, and as I'm about to snatch her from behind, she turns around.

"Hi, Jim."

I stop mid-stride and my eyes fall to her stomach. It's gone. As in _not_ _there_.

I can't formulate an answer. It hurts. I want to run and yell, but I can't. I'm cemented to the floor. Pam is eyeing me quizzically and my heart makes its descent to the pit of my stomach. I must be hallucinating. This has to be a dream.

"Jim," Pam repeats, "are you okay?"

I shake my head and… why isn't she aware that it's not _there_? The baby was kicking like crazy last night. I think I finally found a song that gets it going and.…

"Pam." Her name tumbles out of my mouth and I begin to feel my eyes burn.

Before I have a chance to really lose it, Michael trots into the office with his usual clatter.

"Good morning Pam, Jimbo!"

"Good morning Michael." Pam continues to eye me, confused, while fishing a post-it out from behind the reception desk. "You have a conference call." She reminds him.

Michael turns and frowns. "I thought it was tomorrow. What day is it?"

Pam pulls out a memo and reads, "'Conference call, to be held Thursday, May 9, 2006 at 9:30'"

Okay, now I'm hearing things. Have I gone insane?

"What day is it?" I blurt out. She looks at me surprised. It's the first intelligible sentence I've said today. "What day is it?" I repeat. I sound desperate.

"Thursday, Jim." She's still searching my face.

"What year?" I ask tentatively.

"2006."

My mind races. I have to slow down. I can't breathe. There is a lump in my throat. It's like my attention wandered for an instant, and my whole life vanished. I feel dizzy and lightheaded. My vision blurs and I double over.

I feel her warm hand on my shoulder. She's saying something and she sounds alarmed. I push myself to a standing position and begin to take deep breaths. She is standing in front on me, offering a bottle of water. I take a sip. It tastes bitter. I hand it back to her and my eyes catch a glimpse of something shining on her finger. I squint and I see that it's not _hers_, it's _his. _This has gone way too far.

"W-why is that on your finger?" I blurt out.

"What?" She pinches her mouth, eyebrows and nose together. I know that face. She's genuinely confused.

"Pam," I say her name. My eyes fill up. What the fuck is going on?

I can't stay here. There is a small crowd gathering now. I manage to detach my feet from the carpet and escape to the bathroom. I feel her eyes following me. I push the bathroom door open and I immediately dispense of my stomach's contents. I gaze at myself in the mirror and I feel…empty.

I try puzzling everything together. Yesterday I went to work and came home. Pam was there, she was pregnant, and she was my wife. Today I woke up at work and had my life stripped from under me. This can't be 2006, right? There's no way. It's not feasible. Or is it? I'm channeling Dwight now.

I wash my face and I feel the cool touch of my wedding band—from my wedding, to Pam. This is a dream, and I would believe it if everything didn't seem so fucking real.

I walk back to Pam's—my desk and I feel everyone's eyes on me. The desk is exactly how it was three years ago. I bet if I open the bottom drawer and look under the expense files I'll find my lost phone charger. I dare to look, and it's there. I also find my application to Stamford. Stupid. This can't be happening.

Dwight is gazing intently at me. "Jim, are you under the influence of illegal drugs?" he asks, removing a notepad from his things never change.

"I'm from the future, Dwight," I deadpan. I can't help myself. I hear Pam stifle a laugh.

"The time-space-continuum is a mere paradox," he scoffs.

"So you think," I whisper. He doesn't hear me.

I look over to Pam and she smiles. I smile back. Her hair is longer and curlier. I chuckle because the blue cardigan that she is wearing is currently in a bag for charity. I shake my head. This is not happening.

I think I scared her a bit with my little scene earlier. So, I push myself from the chair and make my way to reception. This feels so weird. Very déjà-vu-esque.

"Hi," I say as calmly as possible.

"Hey." Her eyes are soft and her smile is very genuine.

"I'm sorry about earlier. I think I—"

"It's okay," she interrupts. "Are you feeling better?" There is concern in her voice and I ache to touch her.

"Yeah." I lie. "Much better."

Pam looks younger, but tired. I can see dark circles forming under her eyes. I do the math in my head and if this is May 2006, she is busy planning the wedding. I remember her saying how strenuous it was. It literally sucked the life out of her.

"So," she starts and I hear the familiar mischief in her voice. "You're from the future?"

"Yeah, you can't tell?" I laugh. I might as well play along. I'm here now—then… I don't know anymore.

"You know what?" She is eyeing me and I become alarmed. Hopefully I haven't changed too much in three years. "Your hair is different."

"This is the trend in the future," I quip and she laughs. I take a handful of jellybeans from the candy dispenser. I know now she puts them out for me.

"So," her eyes slips down with a shy uncertainty I haven't seen in a while. "How am I in the future, future Jim?"

I laugh. I'm about to lean my elbows on the desk when I remember my wedding band. I slowly remove it and slip it in my pocket.

"You're happy and no longer a receptionist." I muster and it makes her smile.

"Thank God!" She beams and leans forward. I can smell the fragrance from her shampoo. It's the best smell ever. I miss it. With Pam's sensitive stomach, we had to get rid of everything with a scent. One day I put on aftershave and before I made it out of the bathroom she was bent over the toilet puking up her breakfast. I'd felt horrible.

"How about you?" she continues. "What are you up to in the future?"

I think about an appropriate response. What I really want to say is: _I'm happily married to you and we are expecting our first child. _But I don't. I settle for, "I'm on to big things."

She smiles and the phone rings. "Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam."

I feel nostalgic. Nowadays I can't just walk up and talk to her like I used too. I'm always secluded in my office talking to clients and figuring out the weekly budget. I sigh. But it's one of those things where you call it the _Good ol' days_, but it really isn't. They were just simpler times.

I wait for her to finish, but she rolls her eyes and I know it will be a while. I head back to my desk and glance around for something to do. I have a client list and I begin to go through it. I make a few calls and a few sales. My young self has been postponing his expense reports, so I complete them. I can finish these puppies in no time now.

I glance over to the clock and it's lunchtime. My stomach starts to growl and I don't know what to do. I don't have my wallet. I search in the drawers and I find some change. I shuffle over to the break room, and for old time's sake I get grape soda and chips. Pam joins me soon after.

We talk about everything. She vents a bit about Roy and his lackadaisical attitude towards planning the wedding. I nod and offer her some _words of wisdom_. My opinion is biased, and at times I know she's on to me. She talks about how she's thinking of taking art classes, but isn't sure. And at that moment I forget I'm talking to Pam, my friend, and not Pam, my wife. I push her a bit too hard and she recoils.

"I guess I better get back," she says, clearly avoiding the subject. I've upset her. I'm an idiot.

She gets up to leave, but I grab her hand. She gazes down at me. She looks exhausted and defeated. My heart breaks. What's keeping me from telling what I know she wants to hear? I can't think of a single reason not to tell her.

"I didn't mean to—" I begin. She nods and plasters an excuse of a smile on her face. Her hand slips through mine and she's gone.

I want to hold her and tell her everything will be okay. I know how to fix this. But I'm stranded by time. I throw my trash out and head back to my desk. I'm still hungry.

The afternoon rolls along and after two conference room meetings, I'm exhausted. And that reminds me, where am I going after this? I guess I could go home—my parent's house, and sleep in the nurs—my old room. I'm _not_ looking forward to sleeping without Pam.

I wonder if I'm missing in my present. I don't want Pam to be alone. I want to be there when our baby kicks. I want to be there at night when she's restless and can't sleep. I just want to be there. Period. I'm homesick and all I want is Pam. Pam in the morning, sleepy and crumpled face, Pam drawing, Pam's voice in my ears… Why is love intensified by absence?

I look over to reception and I'm almost tempted to walk up to her and kiss her—you know, speed up the process. I really, _really_ miss her. I push my chair back, but I stop. I hear the door opening and if things couldn't get worse... Roy walks in. And there is that nauseated feeling again. He shuffles his feet towards her and leans over the desk. I'm blatantly watching them, even though I really want to get up and flee. But it's like that cringe worthy scene in a movie that you can't turn away.

He is fiddling with her hands and I feel my insides twist. It's not until he sloppily brushes his lips against hers that I break and walk away. I'm jealous. He has no right. She's mine. She's _my_ wife.

I'm back in the break room and pacing around. I need to go back to _my_ Pam. I clench my fist and punch the vending machine. I don't feel any pain. Crushed, I collapse on a chair and I let out a few tears. I know I'm overreacting, but I can't help myself. It's hard to not have her, to see her and not be able to touch her, to see someone else…I can't

I dig my hands in my pockets, searching for my wedding band, but instead I find a folded piece of paper. I begin to unfold it and smile. It's our latest sonogram. I was going to tape it over the one in my office. This one says Halpert on top. The previous ones had said Beesly. It feels more official now.

I'm so entangled in my own reverie that I don't see Pam walk in.

"Hey," she says.

It startles me a bit. I slowly lower the sonogram face down on the table and place my hand on top of it.

"Hey." My voice comes out husky.

She walks to the coffee pot and pours herself some. I really like that blue sweater on her. Maybe I should convince her to keep it. She shuffles towards the door, but lingers, nursing her mug.

"Weird day, uh?" She's trying to reach out to me. I smile. I see my wife in her.

"Yeah." I will myself to smile.

She doesn't buy it and asks, "You okay?" There's concern in her voice.

"Yeah," I lie. I don't want to worry her more than I already have.

"You sure?" She's knitting her eyebrows together. She's trying to read me.

"Yeah," I repeat. But her head tilts unconvinced. So, I reply again with more conviction. "Yes, I umm…" Do I violate the time-space-continuum if I tell her the truth? It's worth it, but I don't. I shift uncomfortably and my voice goes up three octaves. "I had an argument with um…my brother." This pains me. I don't like lying to her.

She pulls a chair next to me and says, "You wanna talk about it?"

God, she's so loving. "It's nothing," I say, brushing it off. "It's stupid."

We sit in a comfortable silence for a while. Then I catch her gaze fall on the sonogram under my hand. I freeze. She gestures towards it and asks. "What's that?"

"Oh it's—" Before I can finish she is snatching it from under my hand.

Her eyes widen and a smile spreads across her face. "Aww…Whose is it?" She coos and my heart melts.

"It's umm… my brother's…" I think I phrased it like a question. She didn't catch it though. She will in about two years.

"They must be so excited." She smiles, looks at me, and adds, "You must be excited."

"I'm _very_ excited." I say, nodding and smiling like an idiot now, and it must be contagious because she's smiling too. I hope our baby has her smile.

"Do they know if it's a boy or girl?" Her fingers are tracing the outline of our baby.

"They do, but they aren't telling anyone." We're not telling anyone. We know how intrusive and weird people are. "My brother," I add,_ "_thinks that he can make money off his co-workers by having them bet on it." She chuckles. But, it's true and I have her support on this. I have Kevin and Kelly betting on a girl— Kelly is more like cheering for a girl, and Oscar, Phyllis, and Andy on a boy.

"When is the baby due?"

"Umm…" I have to think about this one. It's May here. Pam is seven months…. So, two months from now…May, June…"July," I say hesitantly.

She smiles and says, "The world sure needs more Halperts." There is something in her tone that pulls me up. Is she flirting with me? The answer shows when her cheeks flush a light shade of pink. I can't help but smile. In this moment I love her more than life.

She hands me the sonogram and I return it to my pocket. I see her look up at the clock and sigh silently. It's almost five. I sigh too. I like to believe it's for the same reason. We'll be going our separate ways soon.

"I gotta go get my faxes done." She says soberly, standing up to smooth her skirt.

"Hey, thanks a lot." I mean it. This helped a little.

"Don't worry about it." She says and she's gone.

Moments later I make my way back to my desk. People have begun to filter out and soon enough I'm left alone. I consider my options and settle on returning to my car. At least I'll be alone there. I shuffle my way out and just as I step outside, I see her drive by with Roy. I wave and she offers a feeble smile. I pretend not to notice that she's aching too.

I plop myself on the passenger seat and lean back. I place my hand in my pocket and slide my wedding band on my finger. I reflect back on how days like these felt like an eternity. It was like I was living under water and everything seemed slow and far.

So I close my eyes and lull myself back to sleep. Back to Pam.

I wake up and it's night. Everything is very still. I don't move. My stomach growls. I haven't had any sustenance in me all day. May be I should go to—my parent's house. I begin to open my eyes and I feel lightheaded. I reach for the door handle, but it's not there_. _I pat blindly around and my heart stops beating. I prop myself on my elbows and pan my eyes around.

I'm home.

I fell asleep on the couch.

With a start I head up the stairs, taking two steps at a time. I push our bedroom door open and there she is, flawless, abandoned to slumber. Her arms are cast apart, her hair fanning over the pillow willy-nilly, and her belly is poking through the sheets. She looks beautiful, even with creases from the pillowcase across her cheeks.

I change into my pajamas and carefully curl around her. I gather her to me and she is so warm and soft and drunk with sleep. I'm overwhelmed. There is nothing compared to what I'm feeling right now. It's bigger than me.

I brush my lips lightly against hers. She stirs and moves her hand to my face, a caress. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss her there too.

"Babe?" she mumbles half-asleep.

"Hi," I whisper and her eyes flutters open. I smile. I stroke her cheek and she leans into my touch. Her hand travels protectively to her belly and my follows. Our baby is very mellow, but I think it knows when I'm around. I wait as she rubs her bump absentmindedly and our baby kicks once…twice.

"I love you so much," I whisper—to both.

"I love you too," She murmurs.

She yawns, wraps her arm around me, and nuzzles her head under my chin. She's tired and frankly, so am I. I lie down and pull her to me as close as humanly possible. I sigh, relieved, and kiss the top of her head. It was just a dream.

_It was just a dream. _

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Thanks for reading. I wasn't sure about this one, so comments are appreciated! =)


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